Dear Aunt Stanky — Peripatetic

Dear Aunty Stanky:

The neighborhood next to me put up a “residents only” sign. But I take my family for walks there. Legally, it’s state-maintained roads, so they can’t stop us. But should we stop anyways out of respect for their wishes?


Dear Peripatetic Parent:

You obviously have a very strong sense of injustice.  Why should other people enjoy luxuries you don’t?  Why should they live as if people like you shouldn’t exist?  Why, in other words, do they act like they’re better than you?

Well, speaking as one of those people, PP (you don’t mind if I call you PP, do you?  I mean, I shall anyway, but I thought I’d throw you a bone), the fact is that we are better than you.  By leaps and bounds, in fact.  And one of the things your betters absolutely loathe is to see you and your ilk dragging their sad, tawdry little families across our well-maintained streets and sidewalks.  You are permitted to tend our lawns, clean our pools, fix our toilets, or whatever it is that your little trade schools taught you to do, and once you are done (preferably when we’re not home – that’s why we hire maids), you should scurry back to that pitifully drab existence you know as life.

You see, I too have a strong sense of injustice.  We’re so alike!

Always your (better),

Aunty Stanky

[Isn’t that heartwarming? Aunty Stanky lives near our friend P.]

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