Zombie lovers and haters, we have some important news updates for you today. Okay, maybe not that important.

ONE: IMMORTAL JELLYFISH

Yep… say no more. Clear proof that sea life is superior to land life.

TWO: TIME-TRAVELING GIFTABLE FUNNY T-SHIRTS!

It’s not official Space Squid fare, but Editor D has a few “Don’t Bain Me, Bro” funny t-shirts that fondly mock 2012 presidential candidate Mitt Romney and his pink-slip-o-matic corporation, Bain Capital. Also featured are Big Bird, a crying baby, and an adorable kitty.

Yes, one of Romney’s big talking points was that he’d fix the budget by getting rid of Sesame Street. Really, Mitt? Does Big Bird have a B-1 bomber hidden in that substantial gut?

There are only four of these shirts left so contact us ASAP for yours! We have a small, two mediums, and a large. Click the pic at left or here to see a clearer version. $8 plus $4 shipping, or we can meet up if you’re local. A great gift for anyone who was creeped out by Mr. Romney.

You might also want to check out our other funny t-shirt.

THREE: ZOMBIE VITTLES

At the bottom of this post, we’d like to show you how to open a can — “like, you know, with MEAT” — the Russian way, without tools. Not only is this practical for campers and zombie refugees alike, but it’s good clean entertainment.

God help you, though, if your can happens to contain vegetables. If so, friends, our only advice is to discard that worthless object and find some MEAT posthaste. (Editor’s Note: a meat-based diet is the root cause of 14 of the 15 leading causes of death, according to NutritionFacts.org.)