Dear Aunty Stanky,
I recently moved to a new city, and I am a little disappointed by the lack of variety in the local bird population. How do I make my neighborhood more attractive to ducks and moorhens?
Worried,
BIRDLESS IN SEATTLE
Dear bird-brain —
Um, throw torn pieces of bread around, then shoot the pigeons. Problem solved.
Always your yadda-yadda-yadda,
Aunty Seinfeld (er, Stanky)
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