Dear Aunty Stanky — Birdy

Dear Aunty Stanky,

I recently moved to a new city, and I am a little disappointed by the lack of variety in the local bird population. How do I make my neighborhood more attractive to ducks and moorhens? 

Worried,

BIRDLESS IN SEATTLE


Dear bird-brain —

Um, throw torn pieces of bread around, then shoot the pigeons.  Problem solved.

Always your  yadda-yadda-yadda,

 Aunty Seinfeld (er, Stanky)


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