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Bob and Beastman's Honeymoon


Tagging along on the honeymoon of your two best friends makes you feel a little like the squeaky extra wheel on your nephew's tricycle. Your two best friends in the whole world are a sentient monkey named Bob and a beastman cleverly named Beastman.

So far you've been having the time of your life on a deserted island with disappointingly few desserts.

Yet in your drunken revelry you forgot to secure the rowboat you had arrived in. Your friends have just realized this after waking up from a hangover so strong that they could kill mosquitoes with their blood.

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Downloading Brunch


"Hi this is Lydia at PrintzFirst Tech Support. What seems to be the problem?"

"What's the problem?" shrieked the man at the other end of the line. "I'll tell you the problem. My printer won't stop making goddamned brunch."

"You mean it just keeps printing in an infinite loop?"

"The muffins, the frittatas, they're everywhere! They're taking over my entire house room by room. They're getting crumbs all over my beautiful marble floor. And my cats, they're freaking out. I can't even see the poor dears anymore. And the spinach quiche - don't even get me started on the quiche!"

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Posted in Featured Fiction