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Babylon Loves You


In the morning she wakes you with a kiss. It’s the feel of cold metal on your cheek. You open your eyes and roll over. The service drone, her avatar, rolls back and waits patiently for you to get up.

In the shower, you know she’s watching you. In the kitchen, she makes you breakfast: coffee, toast, and eggs.

The drone, all ball-treads and spider-legs, sees you to the door. A thin metal arm straightens your collar.

“Have a good day,” a neutral female voice says.

You leave. And in the hallway outside your apartment you yank your collar askew again.

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December Double! A Story and Comic (and Squid Mural)


This month: It's double-story December at Space Squid. We bring you two mindbending tales, one in prose and one in comic form. Plus the best squid mural in history. Read, enjoy, subscribe!

“Earth will be destroyed this Saturday. Or maybe Sunday. It depends on which side of the International Date Line the comet strikes.

“Did you hear me? No more Earthlings. Only cockroaches. You’ve been sleeping for two days. You’re missing out on the end of history.”

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We Are the Ululating Tzatziki


“Take us to your proctologist,” said the largest dollop.

This utterance represented the evolutionary summit of the Ululating Tzatziki. From this point onwards it was all rapidly downhill.

“Wot?” said the Earthman, who took his cigarette out of his mouth and looked about the dark train platform.

“Take us to your proctologist,” came the voice again after a pause. “We are the Tzatziki. We ululate.” It sounded like speaking was difficult.

The Earthman looked on, entirely unable to grasp the momentous event that was taking place before his eyes.

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“In those days,” said Grandpapa from his recliner, “space was not yet a vacuum, and hellfire had a name unmathematical.”

The older kids playing poker at the table rolled their eyes. The little ones on the floor kept setting up Mousetrap.

“But Grandpapa,” Ivy looked up from the instructions. “Space was always a vacuum.”

“Now you’ve done it,” groaned Rory and threw his cards down.

“We couldn’t quite escape, you see,” said Grandpapa, “we had not yet tamed the demons. Not entirely.”

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Important Information about Alien Tumors

Not all brain tumors are alike. Some are self-aware alien entities you bring back unwittingly from your research dive in the Falkland Islands. They begin as tiny organisms which slime their way through your ear canal and settle into your brain like fat royals at a luxurious five-star resort. They gorge on electricity, blood protein and brain fat, growing rapidly in the fractal folds of your cerebrum like those wacky toys from China that expand in water, only more insidious, as these tumors are self-aware and what you are experiencing is in fact an alien takeover.

Of course, you won't know this at first.

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